Art La Flamme

Well, I did not die.

That alone makes my first marathon a success. I ran it, and did not die. It feels good to be able to say that.

After 18 weeks for hard training, I ran the ING Marathon in Luxembourg on 19 May. It kicked off at 1800 local time, and it was dark, dark, dark when I finished. The rain did not materialize, as the forecast had warned, and all in all, it was a great experience.

Some general observations.

Running a marathon is not better than sex. No one should ever say that. If they do, either they’ve unlocked the secrets of tantric running, or they need a better sex partner.

Running a marathon is indeed a huge milestone. Right up there with the birth of your first kid. Or jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. Or swimming with sharks. It is a significant event, in and of itself. Yes, I am going to be one of those people who will say to you, “You should train up and run a marathon” — if me and this old broken body can do it, yes, you can too.

The boring stuff.

We stayed at the Best Western in Luxembourg City, right across the street from the train station. Yes, our neighborhood was littered with strip clubs and sex shops. But, we got 1) connecting rooms, so the kids were off out of the way, and 2) location, location, location, as one of the shuttles for the marathon stopped right outside the hotel. Also, the free breakfast in the morning was OK — not superb. But it was free, and there was plenty of different things to eat. It was a nice addition.

We drove there. Packed up the Mini Cooper S with clothes, running gear, kids stuff, and some knitting thingies, and drive the 2+ hours to Luxembourg City. I would not have wanted it any other way. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my Mini Cooper S? How driving it is always a joy? How happy it makes me? I need to mention these things more often. The boot is not large — it is a small car, after all — so I opted for a soft-sided bag for all of the clothing. I did not make any effort to be efficient in my packing, or effective in space management. Princess decided that she also needed to bring her ladybug luggage — her luggage. It contained just three stuffed animals. And I also had one small ruck sack / backpack, mostly filled with food (Gatorade type stuff, bananas & apples, some bagels and the like). It all fit, easily. I love this car.

We made the drive up there after school and kid activities on Friday night. We opted to not head over to check in for the race, and opted to not go to the big pasta party for the runners. Instead, we checked in at the hotel and then walk across the street to an alley lined with porno and sex stores, to a little Italian place — which turned out to be very beautiful inside, and that served up some awesome food. After the travel, we were all a little late getting to bed, but wow, were our tummies happy.

Saturday, we caught the city bus to the sport center, and checked in. I got my number, and the chip I was to tie to my shoe. We also checked out the complex — very nice. But, after all that, we headed out and back towards the hotel. K and K did some shopping, while Zavi did homework and I rested, and then we all went and got some lunch (yes, more pasta).

And then it was time to just be nervous. I ate bananas. I drank Gatorade. I checked and rechecked my gear. I packed my stash bag — the bag I would check in at the race, and have ready for pick up afterwards. In it went clean socks and boxers, a t-shirt (the Clash), a sweatshirt, a towel, some soap, a 100g bar of to-die-for dark chocolate (thanks, Batgirl!), some loose coins, and my guidebook (mainly for the map of the complex).

Going to the actual event, we headed over early and checked in my bag. I opted to have faith — to believe that the weather would hold — and wore a running shirt, running shorts, my ever-faithful Adidas, thick and comfy socks, my Garmin Forerunner 305, and my iPod in an arm band. In my sole shorts pocket were crammed 4 Power Bar Gels, with two more tucked in the waste band, and a sanitary wipe (in case nature called, and things did not go well). That was it. No camera. No water bottles. No Camelbak.

About the run itself.

There were four types of runners.

• Those doing the Mini-Marathon. I think this was something like 4 km.
• Those doing the half-marathon. Yes, half. 13+ miles.
• Those doing the team run of the full marathon.
• And then the idiots like me doing the full thing.

Each type was easy to discern. Well, OK — I never actually saw a Mini-Marathon’er, so I am just guessing. Those doing the half marathon had something pinned to the back of their shirt that read “21km”. Team run folks had something pinned to the back of their shirts that read “Team Run”. Blank shirt back? That was someone doing the full Monty.

In a nutshell, I hated everyone with something on the back of their shirt. Of the 7000+ people running that day — yes over seven thousand — something like 2000 of those were doing the full marathon. The bulk, if I had to guess, were doing the half marathon. They were all in good spirits about the run, and made it all so very enjoyable — until their route split off from mine, and I was left with the other nuts doing the full marathon. Like being pre-med at a party university, and seeing everyone leave at the 4 year mark while you have another 5+ years to go.

And there was nothing more saddening that passing one of the change-off points for the team runners. For the first few miles after that, I would be getting passed left and right by new runners with fresh legs. I hated it. I’d sense someone coming up on my shoulder — while I am holding a decent and steady pace up hills and down — and sure enough, after they passed me I would see the “Team Run” across their back. Jackass, I would think.
For some, I would pass them in a few miles. Fresh legs be damned. I was doing 10 minute miles all day, all night, and these “team” members had to do about 10.5 KM — a walk in the park in comparison to the full marathon.

As for the route itself, well, Luxembourg is not exactly flat. To see the route, start here. That’s a Google Earth file that shows the actual route I ran. As you’ll see, to run a marathon in Luxembourg really does mean doing three laps around the entire country.

I worked very hard to keep from taking off too fast at the beginning of the marathon, from starting with too fast of a pace. One of the things I did was to alter the display on my GPS — total time running, and total distance run were the only two things displayed. No time pressure, no chance to look at my pace and think about speeding up or slowing down. I focused on just running. And I think that made a huge difference.

Some thoughts on running 42+ KM:

• There is nothing better than seeing your loved ones in the crowd when running a marathon, especially when they have ice cream.
• It is sooooo hard to lip synch to The Who or AC/DC when you are in the middle of a marathon and really out of breath. It is totally worth it to try.
• Guitar solos are impossible. Drum solos are not.
• The marathon is really just an excuse for the citizens of Luxembourg to gather out in front of their houses with their neighbors and drink wine, and to get some extra use out of all of the New Year’s Eve accessories.
• There is something to be said for running down the middle of a street that is lined with women of all sorts, shouting “Bravo! Bravo!” and other nonsensical things in French. It doesn’t make up for all that is wrong with France, though.
• Kids the world over love to get high-5′s from passing runners.
• By the half way point, my thighs were starting to burn. By the 20 mile mark, my lower and mid back hurt. I kept running. There were three conditions when I walked: 1) water points, whether I had water or not (because Hal Higdon says to walk then); 2) sometimes when I had a Gel pack, but only if stopping to consume it was at a non-advantageous point (i.e. not on an uphill slope); and 3) when I really had to burp.

Yes. The burps. Let’s talk about them.

I had always planned to walk through the water points. I had planned to water-up there, in lieu of carrying water or fluids. I had also planned on having with me some Gel packs, for energy and sustainment, so I would not be relying on the water points for oranges or bananas or any of the other goodies they offered — just water and Gatorade-type drinks.

The first few water points, I slowed but not to a complete stop. I had two or three cups or water, and kept going. And within minutes, I thought I was going to throw up. Big ugly belches followed — ugly, for their noise, and ugly for, well, their taste. And yes, loud enough, from deep in the core of my inner being, that others had no choice but to hear them. Loud enough that runners in front of me actually turned to see if I was alright — I kid you not.

Something had to give. I started to come to a complete walk at water points. I tried to drink as normally as I could. Still, 20 meters later, I’d be burping. Sometimes, 2 miles later I would be burping. I didn’t try to hide it — anyone out there running a full marathon would know that you’re body is going through all kinds of hell, and what’s a little burp amongst friends?

I did, at least, try not to do it in front of large crowds of fans.

But yeah, big burps. Big, scary burps.

Oh, and the musicians. The city arranged to bring in musicians of all types, and sprinkled them around the route. If I encountered a band in between songs, or sitting idly, I would shout at them “Play Freebird!” at the top of my lungs. No shit — I really did do that. Probably 6 times total. The best reaction was from a solo drummer playing on the bridge, at around the 8 KM mark. I absolutely belted it out, too — full volume, as loud as I could. Got some laughs from other runners, too. The drummer, he raised one hand in the air, drum stick in his fist, in acknowledgment of my request, while he drummed on with the other. The other good one was when I yelled at what I would guess was a small orchestra. In response, some whispered to each other, as if to ask What’s Freebird?, but one guy stood up and let out a cheer of some kind — clearly, he got it.

The Music.

I ran with my iPod, and listened to a lot of music. Here’s the track listing, and the time it played (the marathon started at 1800.)

Roxanne The Police 17:58:00
Whats Going On Marvin Gaye 18:02:00
It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) R.E.M. 18:06:00
The Summer of Relief Astroburger 18:09:00
It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) R.E.M. 18:13:00
Fortunate Son Creedence Clearwater Revival 18:16:00
The Times They Are A-Changin’ Bob Dylan 18:19:00
Mystery Train Elvis Presley 18:21:00
Ring Of Fire Johnny Cash 18:24:00
When A Man Loves A Woman Percy Sledge 18:27:00
The Message Grandmaster Flash And The Furious Five 18:30:00
All That Is Beautiful (The Atomic Powered Robot) Bellman 18:33:00
Can’t Buy Me Love The Beatles 18:35:00
Loser Beck 18:39:00
No Cars Go Arcade Fire 18:45:00
You Were Meant For Me (acoustic version) Jewel 18:49:00
Let’s Stay Together Al Green 18:52:00
Wingman Song Chris [k] 18:52:00
You Better You Bet The Who 18:58:00
Get Down Stand Up AUDIO SHRAPNEL 19:02:00
I Fought The Law (Live) The Clash 19:04:00
Clampdown (US Promo 12″) The Clash 19:08:00
Baba O’Riley The Who 19:13:00
My Generation The Who 19:17:00
Star Spangled Banner Jimi Hendrix 19:21:00
This Is Radio Clash The Clash 19:25:00
Pride (In The Name Of Love) U2 19:29:00
Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) The Beatles 19:31:00
A Little Blues The Be Good Tanyas 19:34:00
Hotel California The Eagles 19:40:00
Thunder Road Bruce Springsteen 19:45:00
A Boy Named Sue Johnny Cash 19:49:00
I wanna love you Akon ft Snoop Doggy Dog 19:53:00
Pinball Wizard The Who 19:56:00
Ghostriders in the Sky Blues Brothers 19:59:00
Money (That’s What I Want) Barrett Strong 20:02:00
American Music Violent Femmes 20:05:00
Burnin’ for You Blue ?yster Cult 20:10:00
Let’s Go To Bed The Cure 20:14:00
Something The Beatles 20:17:00
Complicated [Acoustic] Avril Lavigne 20:21:00
Who Are You (Single Version) The Who 20:26:00
Highway to Hell AC/DC 20:29:00
Baba O Riley The Who 20:35:00
Tighten Up Archie Bell & The Drells 20:38:00
All I Want Is You U2 20:44:00
Surrender U2 20:50:00
Blowin’ In The Wind Bob Dylan 20:53:00
Why Can’t I Be You? The Cure 20:56:00
When You’re Gone Avril Lavigne 21:00:00
(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction Rolling Stones 21:04:00
Purple Haze Jimi Hendrix 21:06:00
Caroline, No The Beach Boys 21:09:00
Love And Happiness Al Green 21:14:00
Blitzkrieg Bop The Ramones 21:17:00
Born To Run Bruce Springsteen 21:21:00
I Can’t Explain The Who 21:23:00
I KNOW YOU GOT FISH AUDIO SHRAPNEL 21:28:00
I Fought The Law The Clash 21:31:00
Where The Streets Have No Name U2 21:36:00
Burnin’ For You Blue Oyster Cult 21:41:00
For What It’s Worth Buffalo Springfield 21:44:00
Please Please Me The Beatles 21:46:00
Beautiful Day U2 21:50:00
Ain’t No Sunshine Bill Withers 21:52:00
Clampdown The Clash 21:56:00
Don’t Fear The Reaper Blue Oyster Cult 22:01:00
Who Are You The Who 22:08:00
My Name is RX RX 22:12:00
Rapture Riders (Blondie vs The Doors) Go Home Productions 22:17:00
Help The Beatles 22:20:00
Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag James Brown 22:22:00
She Loves You The Beatles 22:24:00
Happy Jack The Who 22:26:00
Surfin’ U.S.A. The Beach Boys 22:29:00
I’m Free The Who 22:31:00
Crying Roy Orbison 22:34:00
I’m Free The Who 22:37:00

And some thoughts on the music.

1. Yes, it is fitting to have heard that REM song twice as the race began. It did feel like the end of the world, and yes, I did feel fine.
2. Yes, I listened to some older music, and probably some stuff you’ve never heard of. Yes, there is some logic to it — I explained it here. It was a good mix up of music.
3. There are some songs that one should not hear in the middle of a marathon. Tighten Up by Archie Bell & The Drells is one such song.
4. When Roy Orbison starts, it’s time to end.
5. I love RX.
6. I had really hoped to hear Firestarter by Prodigy. It always gets my blood boiling.

But Art, we really want to see photos of your nasty feet and your awe-inspiring blisters.

Tough. There are none. My feet are fine.

Oh, and lastly, here are the official results for me. I have my time as 4:29, given that I started my GPS when I crossed the actual start line. But hey, that’s just splitting hairs.

PS — I burned 4335 calories on the run.? 4300!? Suddenly, only eating half of that 100g chocolate bar seems criminal!

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