After watching all of the other movies over this past week, Return of the Jedi is such a disappointment.
Easily, of the six movies, this is the lamest. And it’s lame for so many reasons.
1. The Ewoks. Seriously, who wants teddy bears with lips? Not me. The only thing of any value that came out of the whole Ewok thing was the brief scene with Luke and Leia talking, and realizing that they are indeed siblings.
2. A second Death Star? What’s that going to cost? No wonder the Emperor has no interest in resolving the dispute over the trade route taxes — he obviously needs the extra taxes to pay for all these damn Death Stars. And they build the Death Star while in orbit around a planet — you’d figure that the planet would be a giant steel factory. Or is the Death Star made from wood harvested from the Ewok forest?
3. How long does it take to build a new Death Star? Why is their no scaffolding? If there are unions involved, well, I’m sure it’ll take billions of years to finish and the mob is involved.
But really, the big kickers are this:
The Emperor and Darth Vader both want to turn Luke to “the Dark Side.” And we’re suppose to assume that this means that he’d become a Sith. But wait — there can only be two Sith at any given time. Does the Emperor plan to replace Darth Vader with his son, or does Vader plan to kill off the Emperor? Or are they both so stupid that they don’t think the other one remembers the whole “Rule of 2” regarding the Sith?
The Rebels, after all these years, have figured out that the Emperor is the Center of Gravity for the Empire – kill him / take him out of the power, and they can finally affect change within the Galaxy. To which I can pretty much only say, “No shit, Sherlock.”
If there is any redeeming value to this film, it’s Leia and her bikini of yumminess. Watching her in that outfit, choking the snot out of Jabba the Hut, was better that watching “professional” women’s wrestling.
I’m glad I had a chance to rewatch these. After all these years, and all this time in the military, I see them in a whole new light. What was good, isn’t, and what was bad, well, is just less bad.
Worst: Jar Jar Binks, and then the Ewoks.
What I learned: The Jedi Knights are either just plain dangerous, or living in a world of denial. Oh, and that The Force is a bunch of poppycock.
What I already knew: It’s really not much of a rebellion.
Favorite pet peeve: R2D2 is the common thread throughout this entire series, yet he recognizes no one.
I don’t know why anyone else would undertake watching all six of these in order, like I just did. I hope these notes, and the ideas I presented in them, make it a different experience. I doubt we’ll get a series like this any time soon.