Movie: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

After watching all of the other movies over this past week, Return of the Jedi is such a disappointment.

Easily, of the six movies, this is the lamest. And it’s lame for so many reasons.

1. The Ewoks. Seriously, who wants teddy bears with lips? Not me. The only thing of any value that came out of the whole Ewok thing was the brief scene with Luke and Leia talking, and realizing that they are indeed siblings.

2. A second Death Star? What’s that going to cost? No wonder the Emperor has no interest in resolving the dispute over the trade route taxes — he obviously needs the extra taxes to pay for all these damn Death Stars. And they build the Death Star while in orbit around a planet — you’d figure that the planet would be a giant steel factory. Or is the Death Star made from wood harvested from the Ewok forest?

3. How long does it take to build a new Death Star? Why is their no scaffolding? If there are unions involved, well, I’m sure it’ll take billions of years to finish and the mob is involved.

But really, the big kickers are this:

The Emperor and Darth Vader both want to turn Luke to “the Dark Side.” And we’re suppose to assume that this means that he’d become a Sith. But wait — there can only be two Sith at any given time. Does the Emperor plan to replace Darth Vader with his son, or does Vader plan to kill off the Emperor? Or are they both so stupid that they don’t think the other one remembers the whole “Rule of 2” regarding the Sith?

The Rebels, after all these years, have figured out that the Emperor is the Center of Gravity for the Empire – kill him / take him out of the power, and they can finally affect change within the Galaxy. To which I can pretty much only say, “No shit, Sherlock.”

If there is any redeeming value to this film, it’s Leia and her bikini of yumminess. Watching her in that outfit, choking the snot out of Jabba the Hut, was better that watching “professional” women’s wrestling.

Mmmmmmm.  Yummy.

I’m glad I had a chance to rewatch these. After all these years, and all this time in the military, I see them in a whole new light. What was good, isn’t, and what was bad, well, is just less bad.

Best: Darth Vader / Anakin Skywalker, and then Padm? Amidala.

Worst: Jar Jar Binks, and then the Ewoks.

What I learned: The Jedi Knights are either just plain dangerous, or living in a world of denial. Oh, and that The Force is a bunch of poppycock.

What I already knew: It’s really not much of a rebellion.

Favorite pet peeve: R2D2 is the common thread throughout this entire series, yet he recognizes no one.

I don’t know why anyone else would undertake watching all six of these in order, like I just did. I hope these notes, and the ideas I presented in them, make it a different experience. I doubt we’ll get a series like this any time soon.


6 thoughts on “Movie: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

  1. Well, yes. He did not recognize Obi Wan, Anakin, or Yoda. Pretty much, he sucks. Cute, but either no memory (which is bad for a droid, I would thick) or just very rude.

  2. First, I think that there are geeks everywhere who would actually watch all 6 in order — and pick at inconsistencies, and recite favorite lines, and probably even dress up.

    Second, if there’s supposed to be balance in the universe, and by that they mean “good” and “bad,” then how can there be temples full of good Jedis and only two Sith? Are the Sith therefore as evil as 30 Jedi are good? (Perhaps this is also related to the fact that teh presence of Jedis somehow makes heros more accurate in their shooting or saber techniques and villains much worse.)

  3. You know, when it’s all over, there are no Jedi Knights and no Sith.

    I don’t consider Luke to be a Jedi Knight, and I don’t consider Leia to be one, either. Sure, this hokey-pokey force stuff might be in them, and they might be able to do telepathic things and stuff, but they aren’t Jedi Knights because they aren’t trained and indoctrinated in that culture.

    So, yeah — in the end, there is balance. No Sith, no Jedi Knights.

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