Art La Flamme

Inspired by this. Yes, it’s tongue-in-cheek.

1. Review the year that is about to end. Write down some of the highlights of all the good things that happened to you. Be sure to include all the basics like no more dishes, not choosing what to wear, never choosing shat’s for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, or fond memories of yesteryear when you only had an 8 hour work day.

2. Share and celebrate your successes this year with your family and friends. Oh, wait. OK, try celebrating it with a bunch of semi-strangers who are armed to the teeth, amped out of their minds on caffeine, and probably wound a weeeeeee bit too tight. It’s almost the same, I swear.

3. Send greetings of appreciation and thanks to those people who have helped make this year special for you. Do it two weeks ago, because the mail takes that long. Be sure to use paper from the laser printer, because, well, it’s that or TP. Forget stamps — just write “free” up in the corner instead, and see if that works.

4. Review your current to do list for work. Be ruthless and eliminate as many unnecessary or futile tasks as you can, without doing them. Don’t worry — someone will put them right back on your list for you in the morning anyway.

5. Finish off any unresolved matters. Like Kurd-Arab tensions, Article 140 and 23, the problems with kerosene distribution, health care reform, the American auto industry, SEN Obama’s vacating Senate seat, and the future of Lebanon and the West Bank.

6. Clear up some clutter. Start with MSR Arizona and then move on to MSR Tampa. Not just the trash — go big and see about the rubble, too. Maybe the intersection at 8th and Nebuchadnezzar, because it really looks bad right now. It sure could use some flowers.

7. Go through your important paperwork and bring it up to date as much as possible. Start with your powers of attorney, and then your Soldiers Group Life Insurance. And make sure you’re getting your combat pay, etc.

8. Review how you have spent your time this year, and identify those things that have been draining your energy. Don’t bother writing them down — you are in the Army, after all, and it’s not like you can really do much about it anyway. Begin to say NO this year to things that you don?t really want to do. Wow — I almost said that with a straight face. Say no… yeah, that’s a good one.

9. Be different and do something new. Because the Army loves that. A nice broach? A ribbon in your hair? Grow out some mongo porkchop sideburns. Streak. Stop wearing your reflecting belt over one shoulder, but instead as a thong. Sleep in. Salute with your left hand, Benny Hill style.

10. Start walking every day for at least 20 minutes until the New Year begins. Be sure to wear at least 100 pounds of extra gear — water, ammo, armor, steel plates, grenades, a tourniquet, etc. Because it’s not the walking that’s as important as the effort you have to put into each. damn. step.

11. Rest and relax. Sit back and turn on the TV, and realize that you get no channels. Open your fridge and pour yourself a nice, cold….. water. Drag that chair outside and enjoy the dust and flies.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 15th, 2008 at 8:46 am and is filed under Army, Blogging, Iraq, Military. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.