Art La Flamme

Of course I watched the third movie.? Of course I’m still sifting through assassin movies.? Did you think this would be over?

The Bourne Ultimatum.? The third of the three — well, the three to date.

I’ve been trying to decide which of the three is the best.? It might be this one.? I love the car chase at the end – he totally destroys the cop car, which is very cool.

But really, you can’t see one without seeing the others, and you shouldn’t see one without seeing the others at close to the same time.

The best performance of the film is from Julia Stiles — she plays Nicky Parsons, a Treadstone logistics person who has been involved in this drama in all three films.? She tries to do what is right, which is, well, complicated.? Being cute helps, too.

The fight scene and chase in Tangier are good.? I always love a good moped chase scene.

I love the all-knowing sense that the bad CIA guys have – or want to have.? For example, the other assassin in Tangier is detoured to get a new cell phone, which drives the folks at the CIA bonkers.? Free will seems like a foreign, subversive concept to them.? This, coming from the same CIA folks that could not locate a guy who was traveling on his own official passport.

The long and the short of this movie is that Bourne is trying to find out where he came from.? He’s got a good grasp on who he is, and what he is, but he’s trying to figure out why the American intelligence community would make him what he is — a killing machine.? Never mind that his involvement complicates everything.

And, for the record, let me say this:? the CIA folks in this movie are all idiots.? All of them.? Which adds to the entertainment value of this film.? Like Enemy of the State.

“Going mobile”?? Entirely unnecessary, and insanely stupid.? There’s a scene when the main bad guys decide to abandon their high tech HQ, in order to jump into vans to chase Bourne.? They seem to think that walking in a room and declaring that it’s a priority 1 emergency is enough to change the course of history.? It isn’t, but I suspect you already know that.

Go ahead — see this move.? Go ahead, see all three of them.? There are worse things in this world than a Jason Bourne movie.? Like a Matt Damon / Ben Affleck movie.

Best Quote of the Movie:? Jesus Christ — that’s Jason Bourne.

#2?? It ends when we’ve won.

Things I learned in this movie:

• Waterboarding is not torture, but a training opportunity.? It made Jason a better man.
• Waterboarding obviously produces people who can do anything.? Which makes me wonder why we’re waterboarding Al Qaeda guys.? If they ever get out of Gitmo, they’re going to get all kung-fu ninja McGyver on us.
• Apparently, people who do super secret things all get office windows, through which people can look in and see what super secret stuff they’re doing and where they’re putting their super secret things.? Apparently, my boring work doesn’t merit such niceties.
• They can track you by your perfume.? OK, I learned this in college, but still, we all need to be reminded of the basics….
• Hollywood just doesn’t understand how long it really takes to choke someone to death.
• Paper documents are not going away any time soon.? For all the electronic gadgets and neat things, people still want to flip through paper copies of documents.

Awesome buzz phrases used in this movie:

• The asset.
• CIA Deep Cover.
• NSA priority 4 target.
• We are the sharp end of the stick now.
• Code 10 abort.

Things I wish I could get, too:

• A nice rifle with all the extras.
• Access to every video and close circuit camera, and every wired and wireless phone.? Instantly.? Actually, with the sale of the 4th Amendment, that might actually be possible.? I’m going to stop talking now.
• Pre-paid cell phones that come with a charged battery.
• A gun with an attached camera, that broadcasts – live – high quality, full motion video with sound.
• The police to arrive within 2 minutes of my phone call.

What, you thought I’d watch just one?

(more…)

Do you remember yesterday, when I recommended skipping the movie and reading the book?

You can skip the whole Bourne series of movies, and just read the books instead.? You’ll be such a better person for doing it, too.

The Bourne movies – there are three of them, to date, and I am sure there will be more – are based off of the Robert Ludlum novels.? The books are great — fantastic stories, rich in plot and full of twists.? They are the kinds of books that grag you right away, and hold on to you until the very end.? Fantastic books.? Should be mandatory reading for all kinds; they will be for mine.

And then there are Matt Damon movies.? Matt Damon, whose best movie to date has been Team America, in which he doesn’t actually appear, but which has a marionnette of him that can only manage to say, “I’m Matt Damon.”? Perfect mockery of his acting capabilities.? Matt Damon, whose best actual performance was in this video, wherein Sarah Silverman professes to cheat on her (now ex-) boyfriend by sleeping with Matt Damon.? He’s funny in it, because it has him mocking himself for who and what he is (and the sequel is pretty funny, too, as is the Hillary / Obama one).

So, the movie.? Matt Damon is a horrible actor.? This movie should royally suck, just by having him in it, and definitely should suck having him as the star.

But it doesn’t.? It’s OK.? It’s best if you can pretend that it’s not Matt Damon, otherwise, every time he comes onto screen, you’ll find yourself saying, “I’m Matt Damon” in his Team America voice.? Mocking the star during a movie is usually not the best thing for a movie, by the way…

What saves the movie is, well, the story.? Bourne doesn’t need to think — which is good, because it does not appear that Matt Damon thinks — and instead he just reacts to the world around him.? The story carries it.? Angela Lansbury could have played Bourne, and I bet the movie still would have been decent.? It’s easy to get caught up in the espionage.

Worth renting on DVD?? Maybe not.? Worth getting from Netflix?? Yeah.

Best part of the movie?? The fake sound effects when he fights.? If those don’t get you saying, “I’m Matt Damon” then nothing will.